You Can Use Shame As Motivation to Improve Yourself
Self-improvement won’t happen if you deny your emotions
You’re not going to like this… I mean, who likes the feeling of shame?
Hiding from shame or denying it, does you no good though.
Instead, you should use it as a motivator to be better.
You keep telling yourself and others that positive motivation is better – that we need to be kind to ourselves and that kindness will lead us to do what’s best for us.
While I typically agree, there are some exceptions.
Sometimes you can use “negative” emotions such as shame to motivate you to do the right thing.
Shame is a normal emotion
Why is it that people get upset when others “shame” them?
Shame is a normal emotion that happens when you do something out of line and are embarrassed by your behaviour.
Shame is an emotion that is meant to guide you in the right direction. Instead of being afraid of it or upset when you feel it, you should be using it as a compass.
“Don’t shame me!”, says the man who lost his family’s savings making a stupid bet.
Shame is normal to feel in this situation. After all, he was stupid and his stupidity hurt others.
Yes, there are some people who shame you when you do not deserve it. But, that is why you need self-knowledge. Otherwise, people will use your emotions to manipulate you.
There is a fine line between this normal emotion and manipulation.
Building your self-knowledge will help you identify that line and instead of allowing shame to cripple you, you’ll be able to use it as a motivator.
How to use shame as a motivator
A few years ago, I came back from a trip to Ireland and weighed 20 pounds more than I should. It was gross, I felt gross and because of that, I felt shame.
I didn’t like looking at myself in the mirror and I didn’t like how my clothes fit me. My energy levels were lower, my brain was dull and others could tell.
A couple of friends and family members mentioned it to me. Guess what I felt?
More shame.
But, I didn’t cry about it or get mad at everyone. I used the shame I felt to push me to do better. After all, I knew I could do better because just months prior, I felt great.
I used to be in great shape, had high energy, and my brain was functioning great.
Because of the shame I felt, I changed my diet and adjusted my workout and sleep routine, and the results soon followed.
Within a month, I had lost all the new weight I had put on. I felt great again.
A couple of months after that, I felt better than I had in years.
Aside from my diet and workout routine, I also started to focus on myself spiritually. Meditation became a normal part of my routine and I started reading more.
I took the shame I felt and made it my motivator. Instead of avoiding shame, and getting mad at others for making me feel it, I confronted it.
The result was exponential self-improvement.
Is avoiding shame worse than confronting it?
The feeling of shame scares people. They don’t know what to do with it so they try to avoid it altogether.
Avoiding shame is the worst thing you can do.
Shame is there to let you know when you are doing something wrong. Shame is there to smack you in the face and tell you to make a significant change.
By confronting shame, and breaking down why you feel it, you can then make the proper adjustments in your life to see self-improvement.
None of that will happen if you block out this emotion.
Your natural emotions serve a purpose. You are doing yourself a disservice by doing anything aside from confronting shame head-on.
So, next time you feel shame, instead of hiding it, confront it and do something about it.
Positive results that come from the actions you took after confronting the shame are how you will rid yourself of it.
Positive change creates positive emotions.
A few closing remarks
Let me make one thing loud and clear. You should not let those who do not matter to you make you feel shame.
But, that doesn’t mean they’re wrong.
Chances are if what they are shaming you for, makes that shame real, it is because you already had that shame inside of you.
With that being said, anytime you feel shame, you need to take the time to reflect on it. Otherwise, you’ll never know if the emotion is justified, and it is the only way you will be able to take action and use it as a motivator.
Shame can be your secret weapon if used properly.
Thanks for reading.