The Secret Art of Balancing Happiness and Order
Pursuing happiness can be difficult when you set too many rules in your life.
It’s been just over a year since I quit drinking alcohol and now I begin to ask myself, “When should I start again?”.
Once you hit about 3 months without alcohol, the peak of “feeling better” hits. From there, you feel better all the time, and it is much harder to restart.
At this point, the only problem that arises with quitting alcohol (or setting any other strict rule) is that it might lead to you experiencing fewer moments of joy in your life.
We then have to once again adjust our rules to maximize the quality of our lives.
A happy life is more easily achieved when you successfully find a healthy balance between joy and order.
How do we create joy in our lives?
The debate is not whether alcohol creates joy, it is more so the social situations and bonding that come from having a couple of drinks with friends, business associates, or strangers.
For example, I have always found it useful to take new staff out for drinks to give an opportunity for everyone to get to know each other. The same is true when making business deals.
However, all things considered, I would be fine with never getting drunk again.
It’s getting drunk that makes you feel shitty and takes a big toll on your health. I barely remember what it feels like to be drunk, never mind why on earth I did it so often.
What I do miss is sipping on a delicious martini, or a full-bodied wine and then looking at the person I’m drinking with and realizing they’re experiencing the same feeling.
I also miss saying cheers with friends or business associates after accomplishing something great, or as a way to congratulate someone close to me.
The truth is, yes you can replace delicious drinks with delicious foods, and yes you can cheers your kombucha instead, but it is a different social experience.
Perhaps it is because I worked in the hospitality industry for so long that I have a different appreciation for those moments than most people.
Or perhaps it is because I truly have an alcohol problem and it’s doing the talking for me.
Alcohol is not the only way to create these joyful moments. These moments are everywhere and come in many ways, but if alcohol brings you wonderful moments that are hard to get elsewhere, then you need to create rules that allow you to control that joy.
You need to learn the secret to balancing happiness and order.
Finding the perfect balance
When I quit drinking alcohol, I was only planning on quitting for a few months so that I could show myself that if I did want to quit permanently, it was possible. However, I continued because I felt so good that I just didn’t want to restart anymore.
I had created rules that I would follow when I restarted that way alcohol would never again become a problem.
These are the rules:
No more than 2 drinks in a 24-hour span. (2 beers, glasses of wine, or cocktails)
No more than 4 drinks in a week
I would never again have a bad-tasting or bad-quality drink. (No Russian prince vodka, box wine, or IPAs)
If I broke any rule, I would have to have 0 sips for 3 months.
I set those rules to ensure that I would have the perfect balance if I did choose to restart. If I were to break any of these rules, I would know that I was losing balance, and I would need to go sober for a bit to find myself again.
These are the kind of rules that you can hold yourself to that help ensure balance.
Like anything else in life, you can’t only chase those moments of joy. When your life becomes purely based on those moments, you lose sight of your responsibilities as a member of society, and your life tends to become a mess.
Especially when those moments of joy come from drinking (or anything else that is bad for you).
Happiness should not come from changing your state of mind. If any happiness comes from alcohol, it is better that it comes from the culture or socializing aspect that comes with it.
Maintaining order to maximize happiness
What I have realized is that healthy order is easily established when you have a routine and goals that you are determined to reach.
In my case, I set a strict routine that I follow 7 days a week.
This is that routine:
Wake up, do 3 rounds of Wim Hof breathing, and then meditate for 5-15 minutes.
Write in my journal and then go for a walk if the weather is nice, and have enough time.
Do Chinese lessons
Check my phone
Read until it is time to go to the gym. (typically 1 hour)
Work out for 90-120 minutes, and then go to work. (including sauna)
After work, I do an hour of whatever course I am working on
Eat dinner
Post on my social media and then go for a walk, or spend a few minutes daydreaming
Spend time writing
Play chess
Engage with people I admire on Twitter, and in good Subreddits
Spend the remaining time with my girlfriend
Write in my journal, meditate, and then sleep
I almost always spend the exact same amount of time doing these activities each day. I have set it up in a way that I give enough time to each thing so that I can maximize my chances of achieving my goals.
On weekends because I don’t typically have to work, I have more time to do things that bring me joy, such as brunch with my friends and dad, playing Catan with my friends, having dinner with my mom, or going to a coffee shop with my girlfriend to read and write.
The reason I say all of this is because if this routine were to shift, I would lose order in my life, and in turn negatively affect my happiness. My balance would be ruined.
So, if one day I start drinking alcohol again, I have to stick to the rules set, because if I don’t, it may lead to hungover mornings that ruin my great routine. This would lead to me losing order, and balance, and lowering my overall happiness - making me further from my goals.
You should avoid letting small moments of joy ruin your life’s balance. Otherwise, you will end up experiencing fewer moments of joy in general.
You’re allowed to screw up!
Finding the perfect balance is never easy, and along the way, you will screw up. That’s just human nature, and it is bound to happen.
When you do screw up, it is up to you to put your life back together and keep on moving.
It is also easy to be very hard on yourself when you screw up. I’ve been there.
When I lost my businesses during the pandemic, my life took a turn for the worse. I put a lot of blame on myself because I hadn’t set my life up in a way that I could survive without my businesses’.
Eventually, I came out of that slump, but it wasn’t easy.
When you do experience that failure, you have got to remind yourself that it is okay, but it is time to take action and get your life back on track.
From there, you can reoptimize, and live an even happier life.
Closing remarks
Balance in life is a very delicate act. You’ll catch yourself adding so much order that your life starts to lack joy, and then you’ll catch yourself doing the exact opposite.
Eventually, you’ll get so good at the balance that the swings will be easy to recover from.
So, as I decide whether I want to drink alcohol again, I continue to remind myself that while it will bring me more joy, I can’t let it ruin the order I have created without it.
Thanks for reading
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