What You Are Misunderstanding About Happiness
What happiness is, and is not, and how you can get it right.
You are constantly told that when you reach a certain point in your life, you will be happy.
That is a lie.
As a kid, you were counting down to Christmas in hopes that you would get that new Xbox or Lego set.
As an adult, you track how many weeks or months until you can afford that downpayment on the house you want, or worse yet until you can finally pay off that credit card debt you racked up when you were 21 years old.
You’re made to believe that when you finally get “there”, you will be happy, and will be able to relax.
In reality, happiness is not a destination. It comes from wanting less, not achieving more.
Happiness is simply a state of nothingness.
Your definition of happiness
When it comes down to it, there are really two different kinds of happiness. So, it’s important to identify which definition you want to give it.
The first version of happiness is the most common. It’s happiness that comes to you in the form of progress.
As you go through life achieving goals and milestones, you are hit with a state of joy or a temporary moment of happiness. Sometimes that moment can last days, other times, it fades away within minutes.
For example, you finally saved up the downpayment for your first house. You move in, you’re extremely happy. After all, a life goal is checked off.
Just a few weeks in though, that happiness starts to fade. Your first mortgage bill came in, your hot water tank blew, and there is a mouse in your house.
You now have a new set of problems.
Don’t worry, you’ll get into a routine, fix the problems, and then once again you can be happy.
While the continued progress does create moments of joy, and bliss, this happiness is a temporary moment that you will continue chasing forever.
The second version of happiness is a state of nothingness. It is being completely and utterly at peace.
We experience this happiness randomly throughout our lives, but it’s so hard to really put our finger on what caused it to happen.
In other blog posts, I described it as being completely present. You are driving home in your car, the sun is shining, windows down, and you are completely here, now.
However, it can also be seen as having absolutely no worries or desires. There is just nothing - peace.
This nothingness is what I want to double-click on. This state of nothingness is just pure happiness.
We want to be able to optimize our lives to live in this state as often as possible.
The state of nothingness
In order to figure out how we can get to this state, we have to analyze what might be preventing us from getting there in the first place.
First, anyone who tells you that you should make a decision between two things or gives you undesirable emotions might be preventing you from getting there.
Second, anything that makes you feel not at peace is also getting in the way of being in a state of nothingness.
For example, there is no way of watching politics and being at peace.
You are watching 2 (or more) candidates constantly telling you why the other is wrong. They’re hammering you with constant negativity about what would go wrong if you vote for the other person.
Here you are, stuck deciding between the best of two evils. You are not at peace.
There are a few easy ways to help increase how often you are in a state of nothingness, and how long you stay there.
Lowering your ego
Remove as many desires as possible.
Only spend time with happy, positive people
Don’t give energy to things that really don’t matter
Pay little attention to politics until it absolutely matters
Remove anything from your life that clings you to the past
While you want to spend as little time with things that force you to be unhappy, or stuck in the past, you also want to let go of the future.
What I mean by that is stop delaying happiness to a further point.
Instead of telling yourself you will be happy when you reach a certain goal, find peace in the present moment. Find happiness in the state of nothingness.
Happiness comes from wanting less and being here in this moment.
Set realistic expectations
You won’t always be able to find a place in a state of nothingness. Life gives you responsibilities and with those come desires.
“Desire is a contract that you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want.” - Naval Ravikant
As long as we have active desires, it will be extremely difficult to go to a state of nothingness and find true peace.
This is why for many people, it is easier to first make money, create wealth, and then find happiness. Money helps fulfill your material desires, which allows you to want less and leaves you in a state where you can find peace.
You no longer have to worry about bills, or how you will survive tomorrow. You can be here, now, in a state of nothingness. Peacefully, and happily.
It is then important to set realistic expectations.
To expect yourself to enter a state of true peace, happiness, and nothingness, you have to remove and let go of many responsibilities.
Bills are legitimate concerns and to expect people who genuinely do not know how to pay their rent to enter a state of pure peace is not always realistic.
If you are in that position, it is likely that you get your happiness from progress. There is nothing wrong with that, but do your best to draw happiness at those milestones.
Because at each of those checkpoints, you will now want less.
The mistake is to get too greedy and continue adding to your list of desires.
You want to know what your “enough” is.
Eventually, as you continue to progress, your checkpoints will get arbitrary.
Eventually, you will realize that all along it was your desires that were creating the unhappiness and that by wanting less you are happier becoming happier.
That’s when you can let go of your desires and have “enough”.
That’s when you can find happiness in this state of nothingness.
Closing remarks
The ultimate form of happiness is to be at peace, to be in a state of nothingness. But for most people, it’s not realistic to find peace in such a way because of how hectic life is.
There are some people who give it all up to live like a monk, that way they can have no wants, and they can live in this state.
Others choose to make enough money so that they can alleviate material concerns from their life, and then they can enter a state of nothingness if they please.
Both are admirable, both are effective. However, I personally prefer the latter.
Thanks for reading
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