Thank You, Next: 9 Relationship Red Flags That Scream RUN!
Pay attention next time you’re on a date and see how many of these you spot.
Toxic people can’t help but give warning signs that let you know that you should avoid them.
Unfortunately, most of us miss those signs in the first few months of dating because we are excited at all the possibilities. We are blinded by “love”.
The more you date though, the more these red flags start to become obvious.
Lucky for you, I’ve been in 10 relationships and been on 100s of dates. I’ve gone out of my way to compile a list of red flags you need to look out for.
You’re going to have a few “ahh yes” moments while reading this.
1. A poor relationship with their lovely parents.
There is a chance that the person you are on a date with had an awful upbringing. Their parents were abusive or neglected them so today, they have a poor relationship with them.
It’s a sad situation and unfortunately, not an uncommon one. While this is something you need to take into consideration, it is not a red flag.
The red flag I am referring to is when someone continuously complains about their parents being shitty, and then you meet their parents and they are the sweetest people.
Of course, the parents aren’t perfect or they would have a better relationship with their kids.
But, far too often what you will see is someone who has a bad relationship with their awesome parents who act spoiled and complain about EVERYTHING.
And that is why they also complain about their lovely parents.
Dating this person, you will feel like you can never do anything right. You’re about to enter a stressful relationship.
Carefully consider your next move.
2. They’ve cheated in the past.
I am a huge advocate for people learning from their mistakes and becoming better people after screwing up.
But, if I’m being honest, I am not willing to be my heart on someone changing.
There are way too many amazing people in this world to gamble your love on someone who has proven to be disloyal and untrustworthy once before.
Chances are they’ve cheated more than once too.
However, maybe you’ve known this person for years and you know they have changed!
In this case, I would recommend thinking about how long it has been since they’ve last cheated.
Has it been 6 months or 6 years?
You shouldn’t trust someone who has broken their partner’s trust unless they have proven they can be trustworthy since their “incident”.
3. Disrespectful to anyone.
It’s easy to notice when someone is disrespectful to you, but when they are disrespectful to others, you often overlook it. You think, “They’re always nice to me, so I don’t mind.”.
And that is how it starts.
If this person is disrespectful to others, it is only a matter of time before they become disrespectful to you.
One of the easiest ways to spot this ahead of time is to pay attention to how they treat service staff.
Do they avoid tipping and then complain about how people expect tips?
Do they look at the server when they are talking to them?
Do they complain at the slightest little mistakes?
Did they say please and thank you?
These sound like minor things, but if they don’t treat service staff nicely when they screw up, do you think they’ll treat you well when you make mistakes?
4. Poor communication
It’s important to remember that everyone has issues they are working through, and sometimes those issues make them behave differently.
Part of finding the right person is finding someone with the type of issues you are comfortable with.
Personally, I have trouble working with those who have poor communication.
It’s extremely important to be able to talk about problems when they inevitably arise. If someone ignores problems and pretends they aren’t there… That is a big red flag.
Poor communication shows in other ways too though.
What if they take 5 hours to respond to you or just don’t answer your text until the next day?
Meanwhile, you know they have the time to look at their phone for 5 minutes. They might have even posted on Instagram but didn’t bother to answer your text!
In that case, their lack of communication simply shows you that you are not a priority.
However! Not being a priority is okay at times.
Life goes in phases.
Sometimes school or work for example take 1st priority.
But, they should still find the time (within reason) to talk to you - especially if they know it is important to you.
Again, that’s why communication is important.
Not responding would not be a big deal if you were on the same page.
5. Constantly trying to control you.
Attempts to control you aren’t always obvious. It can start with blaming you for little things or using guilt to blackmail you.
You don’t realize that’s what’s happening and you go along with things. As time goes on though, you start to lose your right to choose.
That sounds like an exaggeration, but it is not uncommon to find someone who has been guilted to keep their opinions to themselves.
They end up tagging along with their partner everywhere never doing what they want. And, they don’t realize how shitty their relationship is until they finally get to experience life without control again.
Gaslighting is another attempt to control you.
You’re left questioning your reality and continuously dismissing your feelings.
Be careful of those who are trying to control you. Your opinion matters and it should from the beginning of the relationship.
This requires both you and your partner to have the ability to compromise.
6. Neglecting your family.
Chances are, you have family who loves you, and you love them. You want to spend time with them (obviously), but your partner doesn’t seem to get along with them.
They might complain about your mom being around too much or that you want to hang out with your siblings too often.
Over time, they ignore your family when they’re around or when they reach out to them.
And then their attitude starts to interfere with your family dynamics.
For myself, not accepting or wanting to spend time with my family is a major red flag. Not only is it an attempt to pull me away from my family, but it shows what kind of family life they have.
Big NOPE. Next!
7. An utter lack of effort
You can’t expect anyone to be 100% all the time. Sometimes we feel like shit!
I am no exception to that rule.
Issues arise though when someone uses not feeling great as a constant excuse to not put in any effort.
They know you’re a good person, and you will empathize with them feeling off so any time they don’t feel like putting in effort, they make an excuse.
This is a slippery slope. You’ll be left in a relationship with someone who does not put in their fair share.
They expect you to pick up all the bills, clean the house and cook the food.
Instead of being in a partnership, you’ve become an employee.
Someone who does not put effort into the relationship is a walking red flag.
8. Ignoring boundaries
At the beginning of a relationship, it is important to set your boundaries so that your partner knows what lines not to cross.
Occasionally mistakes are made and you give them a gentle reminder, but you must be careful how many times you give a pass.
Your partner ignoring boundaries can often escalate into far worse situations.
Here are a few signs that someone is ignoring your boundaries:
They pressure you into conversations or activities
They disregard your personal space
Give constant unsolicited advice
Ignore you when you say “no”
They disrespect your time
9. Everyone is always wrong
This is a tricky one and has to be navigated cautiously. I’ve noticed that those who think that everyone is always wrong aside from them, end up causing issues.
For example, they take no responsibility for any mistakes in their past relationships.
It is next to impossible that someone has never done anything wrong, and if they believe they are the exception, they will be a nightmare to date.
How are you supposed to compromise or communicate with someone who is never wrong?
And imagine when you inevitably break up what they will say about you…
It’s best to tell them they’re right and run out the door.
Closing remarks
Yeah, I know. It can be hard to catch these red flags until it is too late!
The bright side is that the more you see them, the easier it is to catch them early.
That means the more you get to know people, the closer you’ll get to finding the right partner!
Be careful though! You don’t want to jump to conclusions because that is a problem of its own!
It’s about being aware and open at the same time.
Alright, let’s hear it! What red flags can you add to this list?
Thanks for reading