First-Date Dynamics: 5 Questions I Always Ask on First Dates Which Helped Me Find An Amazing Girlfriend
A few tips to help you filter through potential partners and find who is perfect for you.
First dates can be extremely daunting. As you try to break the ice, you are also debating what questions are appropriate to ask without them thinking you’re rushing things.
Conversation starters will vary from person to person, but you can put a formula to it.
Over the years, I’ve had many first dates, and I’ve successfully narrowed it down to 5 questions which help me know whether there is potential or not.
I put my questions into 5 categories:
What they do for a living
Their life goals
How they grew up
Their relationship with their family
What they think makes a good partner
These questions help me figure out if there is potential for a future relationship that way I don’t waste any unnecessary time.
You need to also figure out what is most important, and then adjust these questions accordingly. That way you will be able to save time in your dating life and successfully find an amazing partner like I did.
Let’s dive in!
1. What do you do for a living?
Most people spend close to ⅓ of their life working. Their job is a reflection of who they are, shows what they are passionate about and also dictates what their schedule will be like.
This matters a lot more than you may realize.
For example, I’m attracted to someone who is good with children. The result of this is that I’ve been on multiple second dates with teachers.
A common issue I had in the past was that I worked late hours because I owned a nightclub. So, dating someone who worked daytime made it difficult.
Ask yourself what kind of life you want to live and then think about what kind of job compliments that. The hours you work play a big factor.
This may not be a deal breaker, but it should play into your overall decision.
Here are a few exaggerated examples:
If you’re a vegan, you might not want to date a butcher
If you need a lot of attention, you might not want to date a soldier
If you want someone who is home often, you might not want to date a business owner
If you want to date someone who doesn’t work, you might not want to date someone with big work aspirations.
These are extreme examples, but they help illustrate how to approach this hurdle.
Let’s move to the next question.
2. What goals do you have in life?
One’s aspirations can be attractive.
For example, there is a whole subreddit of people who are attracted to those who have power. Those people would not date someone who has no aspirations to be a CEO, politician or business owner.
But, this question goes a lot deeper.
You want to be with someone who has goals that don’t conflict with your goals.
Travel goals
Family goals
Career goals
If someone wants to travel 4 times a year, but you hate it… things would be tough.
If you don’t want kids, but they want 5… things likely won’t work.
If they want to continuously build businesses, but you rather take it easy and live a relaxed life… things likely won’t work.
Your goals don’t need to be the same, but they should complement each other, and at the least, not conflict with each other.
Depending on who you are on a date, this question can lead to some great conversations that often last the whole date.
When that happens, you should go on a second date.
3. What was it like growing up?
How someone was raised will tell you a lot about how they will act in a relationship.
This question leads to all sorts of topics such as how many siblings they have, where they’ve lived and what hobbies they enjoy.
It’s great to learn about someone’s upbringing and you’ll likely find relatable points.
You can talk about all the old games you played as a kid and what you wish happened or didn’t happen. Deep conversations will happen naturally and that allows you to get to know each other quickly.
Best of all though, it typically leads to you talking about their relationship with their family.
If it doesn’t, that’s when you ask the next question.
4. What is your relationship with your family like?
You can learn a lot about someone by how close they are to their families.
Once again, if you are someone who wants kids, but your date had an upbringing that made them never want children… that’s likely a deal breaker.
But typically what happens is you both start talking about how amazing your mothers were growing up and how you still love them very much.
That’ll lead to talking about how you both want to be as parents. This kind of conversation can create beautiful bonding moments which allow you to picture what life could be like with this person.
Even if you have very different upbringings, that can be something that brings you closer together.
For example, maybe every year you have Christmas family gatherings with 50 people, but their family is only 5 people. Commonly, this person would love to have a Christmas with a big family for once.
It’s beautiful how instead of creating separation, the differences can bring you closer.
5. What do you think makes a good partner?
At the end of the day, a first date is when you want to figure out if you get along with this person, and if they could be your future boyfriend or girlfriend.
What someone views as a good partner will help you answer that question quicker than anything.
For example, I’ve been on a first date where the girl thought a good boyfriend would knock out a guy who hit on her. Meanwhile, I have no interest in doing that because I’d be punching people left and right and who wants to do that?
That’s another extreme example but the same concept plays over and over again.
How clingy someone is
How spoiled someone is
How protective someone is
How often do they want to talk or hangout together
An easier way to ask this could be to ask what their love languages are.
Do they prefer to receive gifts or do they rather spend quality time together?
Closing remarks
The best thing you can do on a first date is cut the bs and ask questions that drive meaningful conversation.
You have plenty of options out there. There are 8 billion people on this planet so there is no point in wasting time dancing around getting to know each other.
At the same time, you don’t want to be a psycho who sounds like they’re interviewing their date for a job.
The conversation should flow naturally and if it doesn’t, well, it likely won’t work.
Using these questions as a general guideline though will help you have a better first date.
Thanks for reading!
P.S. Make sure you listen to what they say. Your date will be miserable if you don’t.